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Ego Love vs Authentic Love

The Healthy Miners take it upon themselves to be on the lookout of different explanations as to what makes a healthy relationship, for these ques are not visible to the naked eye. Knowing and practicing components of healthy relationship is a matter of dedication and constant education. With this subject of Healthy Relationships 101, we bring you the differences between Ego Love and Authentic Love.

As stated by Meredith Shirey, MS, LMFT, “Love may look and feel different to different people.” But it may be helpful to have an idea of the two different types of love.

Ego Love – Means that you do not truly love the person but love more what the person gives to you. And the moment that is taken away, there is no more to be gained from that relationship if there is nothing in exchange. Ego love is not selfless because there are usually conditions attached or control of possession to it.

Ego love is based on conditions and expectations. It says, “I love you to the extent that you love me in return. I will not love you if you decide you do not love or want to be with me as I have conditioned our dynamic to be.” Ego love also tends to have strings attached, “I love you but it would mean a lot to me and show that you love me if you change ______.” “I want you to be happy, so long as your happiness is in some way attached to me.” And Ego Love is then not selfless because we inherently attach some condition of control to this love.

Ego love is possession and control, and gaining something in exchange of giving.

Authentic Love – Authentic love in contrast is selfless, it does not involve possession rather a sense admiration for the person without wanting to change or control anything about them but rather share and contribute to their life. This means that you wish them happiness, even if that happiness does not involve you. Reaching authentic love takes practice, patience, and self-love.

By: Peer Educator Geneva Nieto